Pleasure Center
by Fujiko Kuwabara
Summary: The boys of YYH go to a sex store called Pleasure Center in search for a variety pack of condoms for Yusuke's mother.


So, _Pleasure Center_ was my first story I posted her in 2004. I feel that I'm a better writer now so I decided to rewrite it - I hope it's a little bit funnier than the original.:P Enjoy!

* * *

The car pulled into the parking lot, slowing to a stop in front of the building. Atsuko leaned back into the driver's seat, letting her hands drop from the steering wheel. They had been driving for a while; it would have taken hours if they had walked.

"Okay, we're here." She said, addressing Yusuke who sat in the passenger seat who just stared blankly out the windshield.

"Where is here?" Hiei asked, looking up at Kurama from their spot in the backseat.

Kurama shrugged and opened his mouth to speak when Atsuko continued.

"It's the Pleasure Center." She said fatly, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I don't understand." Hiei mumbled, looking very confused.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you will." Atsuko taunted, looking back at him and wiggling her eyebrows at him; which made her look a lot like Yusuke.

"Hn." Hiei rolled his eyes, thinking. "_All of Yusuke's family must be perverts."_

"Ooh, pleasure!" Kuwabara joked, putting his hands on Yusuke's shoulder and giving him a massage.

"Dude, what the fuck!" Yusuke jerked away from his friend, unbuckling then turning around to punch Kuwabara in the shoulder. "Let go!"

"Oh, man – you know you like it!" Kuwabara laughed, putting his arms up to protect his face from Yusuke.

"Shuddup, ya friggin' retard and get outta the car!"

Kuwabara laughed again and opened the car door, stepping out. Kurama and Hiei followed Kuwabara, getting out of his open door. Yusuke opened the passenger side door, grumbling about his stupid friend when his mother grabbed him by the wrist, snapping him from his angry Kuwabara–induced trance.

"Yusuke!"

"What, mom?" He groaned and yanked his wrist free, rolling his eyes and getting out of the car.

"This isn't some fun little fieldtrip for you and your friends," She said in a serious tone. "Don't dick around and get a lot of stuff that I don't need. Just get me my condoms and get outta there."

Yusuke threw his arms up in an exasperated way then slapped his hands over his ears.

"Yeah, mom, okay! I'll get 'em, I'll get 'em!"

"And make sure that they're the variety pack!" She said as he slammed the door.

"Argh!" Yusuke screamed at Atsuko throw the closed window. "I already said that I'd get them, Jesus! Why are we even doing this anyway? Can't you do this yourself?"

Atsuko rolled the window down, looking at him.

"You know I can't go in there after that incident when you were four." She stated, raising her voice. "It's really too bad that they don't sell tampons there, Yusuke, because you really need them."

She rolled the window back up then sped off, leaving the four coughing in a large cloud of dust. Kuwabara laughed idiotically, holding his sides.

"Ha, ha! I get it! You're on your period!"

Yusuke growled, shaking, then balled his hands into fists. He turned around and punched Kuwabara in the mouth, knocking his best friend to the ground.

"Shut the fuck up, Kuwabara." He grumbled, rubbing his reddening knuckles. "C'mon, can we just go get the stuff and get this over with?"

Kuwabara hopped up from the ground, following Hiei and Kurama as they entered the store after Yusuke. The three stood there, looking around the store. Kuwabara's mouth gaped as he gazed around in awe. Kurama's eyes widened then returned to normal, his entire face turning bright red in embarrassment. Hiei's lip curled as he looked around in confusion. To him, everything in the store seemed like a bunch a junk; nothing looked very pleasurable. Yusuke just glowered, his thick eyebrows furrowed in frustration and his fists on his hips.

He heard someone clear his throat and turned to the counter to see tall nerdy cashier, looking at him. Yusuke felt like laughing – this guy seriously got a job _here_? He looked way too twitchy to work there.

"Excuse me," He said in a cracking voice. "Do you guys have IDs?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Yusuke muttered, taking out his wallet and flashing his fake ID.

The four went their separate ways, getting distracted with the different things in the store. Yusuke was set on getting what his mother wanted and then getting out of there as quickly as possible. He mentally cursed his mother for making him do this for her then cussed at himself for being stupid when he was a little kid and getting her banned from the store. He snickered as he remembered what he had done to get her kicked out, walking into the condom isle.

"_I'm really sorry, but he can't be in here." The woman behind the counter said, shaking her head at Atsuko._

"_Oh, c'mon!" she pleaded. "He's a well behaved little boy, he won't do anything bad! I promise!"_

_Four year old Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest, huffing. He was grumpy; he did not want to be in there. She had promised to take him to Toys R Us and then McDonald's if he behaved. They had been doing everything that she wanted and nothing that he wanted. She kept smacking him and scolding him for stupid little things._

"_Yusuke, put that down!"_

"_Yusuke, quit looking up that woman's skirt!"_

"_Yusuke, get your finger out of there right __now__!"_

_He wandered off as Atsuko pleaded with the cashier to just let him in that one time, she only needed to get one thing and she couldn't leave him in the car – it was a hot day out and to leave him in the car like that was child abuse! And hitting your child on the back of the head wasn't?_

_He wandered to the back of the store, seeing a sign that said "Toys". At four years old, that was the only word that he could read – and the only word that really mattered to him, in his opinion. He stomped his foot, not seeing any toys that he liked. There were no transformers, no Mr. Potato Heads, no puzzles, no G.I. Joes, there weren't even Barbies! . . . Not that he __liked__ Barbies._

_He grabbed a huge green jelly –like thing that remind him of a sword from a stand. He waved it around, pretending that evil dragons and wizards surrounded him. He chased after the patrons in the store, hitting at the back of their legs with the green jelly thing and laughing maniacally. He knocked over stands, running through the isles as he played his pretend game and screamed._

_Atsuko looked horrified, covering her mouth with her hands as she watched Yusuke continue his rampage. She looked at the cashier and sweat dropped, laughing nervously._

"_He's not usually like this, I swear!"_

"_Get out!" The cashier screeched, pointing to the door._

_Atsuko swooped Yusuke up and ran to the door. Yusuke threw his green "sword" at the cashier, hitting her in the head._

"Ha, ha." He said to himself as he looked through the condoms for what his mom wanted. "I was such a bad ass little kid."

Kuwabara wandered the large store, looking around at the blow up dolls and pornographic movies. He, not looking where he was going, bumped into a poster-covered wall headfirst.

"Oof, shit!" He mumbled as he took a step back, rubbing his head.

He looked up at the poster and stared at the very familiar black underwear clad blonde. He squinted, reading the fancy gold title out loud slowly.

"One . . . Night . . . In Paris . . ." He gasped, his eyes wide and his goofy smile taking up half his face. "Oh, Paris, my love!"

He collided with the poster, covering the laminated girl with kisses and his puppy dog-like slobber.

"Hey!" Kuwabara jumped away from the poster and turned to the counter, hearing the cashier yelled at him. "Can't you read?"

The cashier pointed to something behind Kuwabara. He turned to see a sign above the poster that read "No Making Out With Paris Hilton Poster!"

"Oh . . . sorry!" Kuwabara sweat dropped and scratched the back of his head before running off to find Yusuke.

Kurama shoved his hands in his pockets; his blush hadn't left his face since they had entered the store. He was walking down an isle, trying to find Hiei who had somehow disappeared from his side. Skimpy little wannabe lingerie surrounded him. He stuck his finger into his shirt collar, pulling it away from his neck. He could not wait to leave.

Hiei had somehow ended up in the back of the store, millions of colorful long toys around him. He was extremely confused and just wanted to find Kurama and get the hell out of the store. He picked up a large pink floppy thing and examined it. He sniffed at it, turning it around in his hand. He squeezed it, feeling it's squishy texture.

Kurama lifted a pair of women's underpants up, his eyebrows furrowing. How the hell did a woman wear these? He dropped them suddenly, realizing that they were crotch less panties. He ran up and down the isles, frantically looking for Hiei. He wanted to get out of there now. Maybe Yusuke would understand if he and Hiei just waited outside.

He ran to the back of the store and skidded to a halt, seeing Hiei looking at the long squishy pink thing in his hand in confusion.

"Hiei!" He gasped. "What are you doing?"

Hiei looked up at Kurama, noticing that he was there. He shrugged, looking back at the thing in his hand.

"Kurama . . . I . . . what is this?" He asked. "It's . . . jelly and . . . strange."

He turned it around, looking it over again. He chewed on the tip of it, wondering if it were some sort of food or candy. Kurama coughed, pointing a shaking finger at Hiei.

"Uh, Hiei? You . . . you might want to put that down."

"What is this, Kurama?"

"Uhm . . . that's a –"

"It looks like a –" Hiei gasped, looking at Kurama wide-eyed. He waved the long squishy pink thing at him, shaking it at him as if it were a wand. "Kurama, you tell me right now what this thing is!"

Kurama stifled a giggle and went over to whisper in Hiei's ear.

"Oh . . . god!" Jumping back, Hiei dropped the pink jelly thing to the floor as if it had turned into a venomous snake and had bitten him. "And that was in my _mouth_!"

Kurama laughed, running a hand through his long hair.

"Variety pack . . . Variety pack . . ." Yusuke mumbled as his eyes searched frantically for what his mother wanted in the condom isle.

In the next isle, Kuwabara was looking at the flavored and unflavored lubricants. A pink one caught his attention and he picked it up, reading the label.

"Fruit punch . . . yum!"

He popped the cap back with a thumb and sniffed. He wrinkled his nose, not smelling anything. He squeezed the tube, but still smelled nothing. He grumbled, squeezing the tube hard, making the thick pink lube spray from the bottle. He watched as it flew over his head and into the isle next to him. He heard it land with a loud wet "splat!" and felt bad for the poor guy who had gotten it.

"Hey, what the fuck asshole!" He heard a familiar voice yell.

"Oh!"

All at once, Kuwabara tried to close the cap, put it back down next to the rest of the testers and run. Unbeknownst to him, the tube fell down and the cap popped open, lubricant leaking out. He stepped on the small lube pool as he tried to run and slipped, falling onto his back. He heard Yusuke's rapid footsteps coming closer and closer to him. He looked up to see his short friend in a faded old black Megallica shirt and ripped blue jeans.

Yusuke glared down at Kuwabara, pink lube slowly dripping from his oily slicked back hair. Kuwabara looked up at Yusuke from his position on the floor and gave him a small innocent wave.

"Hi, Urameshi."

Yusuke's glared deepened.

"You know, Kuwabara . . . that I'm gonna beat you so badly that you're gonna have to sit down to piss, right?"

Kuwabara nodded, weakly.

"Uh, huh."

Yusuke cracked his knuckles, watching as Kuwabara scooted back quickly then stood up and ran.

"Gotta catch me first, Urameshi!"

Yusuke growled, chasing after Kuwabara who ran to the back of the store. Hiei and Kurama looked up to see Kuwabara running towards them. They flinched as he ran behind them, hiding.

"Hide me, you guys!"

"Move outta the way!" Yusuke growled. "He messed up my hair!"

"Ooh, I messed up the great Urameshi's hair! Ooh, big deal!" Kuwabara rolled his eyes.

"You . . . punk! You almost pissed yourself just a minute ago!"

"I did not!" Kuwabara pushed passed Kurama and Hiei and ran by Yusuke.

He ran back into the lubricant isle and slipped on the same small pool. Yusuke looked over at the counter and saw that the cashier was there. He turned back to Kuwabara, raising a fist.

"Do you know how long it took me to get my hair to look like this just _today_?"

Kuwabara snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Big deal. Dude, with that pink lube in your hair, you look like a gay skunk."

Yusuke's glare deepened once more. On any other normal day, this glare would have made Kuwabara pee himself, but for some reason Kuwabara was feeling "high". He laughed his weird little laugh, pissing Yusuke off even more.

"Oh, so you're laughin' at me, huh?" He started, grabbing a lime green lubricant tube off of the shelf. "Well . . . let's see how _you_ like it when _you_ have lube all over _your_ body!"

Yusuke popped the top off the tube and pointed it at Kuwabara, squeezing it hard. The thick green lubricant spurted out from the tube and landed on Kuwabara's thick chest. He screamed and jumped up. He grabbed two tubes of lubricant from the shelves on either side of him. He popped the lids back with his thumbs, aimed them at Yusuke and squirted them at him. Yusuke gasped as the red and blue lube splashed onto him, striping his body. Yusuke grabbed two more lubricant tubes and squirted them at Kuwabara.

"Hey, what the hell is going on here?"

The two turned to see the cashier standing behind Kuwabara with his hands on his hips.

"Uhm, clean up on isle three!" Kuwabara and Yusuke said in unison before bolting to the door.

"Aren't you going to pay for those?"

Yusuke screeched to a halt, hearing Kurama's calm voice. He went to the counter and slapped the box of condoms and money down as the cashier rang them up. The four walked out of the Pleasure Center to see Atsuko speeding towards them, running over the curb.

"And she's not even drunk!" Yusuke mumbled.

She pulled alongside them, rolling the passenger window down.

"Did you get them?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He said, getting into the back in between Hiei and Kuwabara as Kurama got into the passenger seat.

"Good, can you spend the night at Kuwabara's tonight?"

"Again?"

"Yes, I have friends coming over." She sighed.

"Fine, whatever."

"What the hell is all over you two?"

"Kuwabara was being a dumbass and he got lube on me."

"We got caught havin' sex in the backroom." Kuwabara joked.

"Dude, you're so sick."

Kuwabara took Yusuke's hands in his and looked deep into his friend's eyes.

"I love you, Urameshi."

"Ew, get outta here!" Yusuke screeched, pushing Kuwabara away. "Don't start that again!"

Kuwabara laughed.

"Just kidding!"


End file.
